The true secret to a good life is to show up as the best and most authentic version of ourselves. 

The simplest, most straightforward and sustainable way of doing so is by creating desired habits. 

A habit is an action or a thought that is generated automatically or almost automatically  by our brain. The more we deliberately choose to take a certain action or think a given thought, the more natural and automatic it will become.

While our brain has incredible capabilities, it does have limited ‘brain juice’. Every time we actively think about something, make decisions or use willpower – we use up part of that ‘brain juice’. Habits on the other hand take up little to no brain juice – the decisions and thoughts become so natural and automatic that little to no active work of the brain is required. 

This understanding is crucial to create a good life, a life in which we show up as the best version of ourselves. 

We all have aspirations and this fantasy perception of how we would like to live our life. For many of us this includes a healthy diet, a consistent workout routine, sufficient time for self-care, a flourishing career, an outgoing nature, and so much more. 

But then comes the ‘reality check’, all the thoughts that stop us from creating that life we fantasize about. 

“I don’t have enough time”, “I just love junk food”, “I am not fit, I never have been and probably never will be”, “it is impossible to pursue my career and be a present mother and wife”, and the list goes on. 

We get so overwhelmed by all the changes ‘we should do’ that we end up doing nothing. Our brain knows that it does not have enough ‘brain juice’ to actively make so many decisions and changes, so it ends up saving all ‘ brain juice’ and does nothing. 

This is where habits come in. With habits we can step by step create the life we want to live. The only two conditions are commitment and patience. 

You decide where to start. There is no right and wrong. You focus on this change only, you channel all your ‘brain juice’ on one thing. No matter how hard it gets you commit to following through and repeat the desired behavior until it becomes natural and almost automatic. Until you barely use any ‘brain juice’ to perform and follow through with the task. 

This takes time. It can take weeks, or months. Even a year at times. Do not pick up the next pattern too early. Be patient. Allow time to be your ally. Once you win the first endeavor, and only then, move on to the next. 

With these simple steps, with solely commitment and patience, you will be able to create any life you desire. 

Nibbles of Wisdom

Life is not all happiness all the time.

The human brain is not wired in a way to be happy all the time. If it were, we would have most likely not been able to survive and the evolution would have ended many years ago. 

Our primitive brain (the oldest part of our brain that controls functions necessary for survival, such as heart rate, breathing, digestion, and sleep) is wired in a way that always promotes three main objectives:

1. Seek pleasure

2. Avoid pain

3. Preserve energy

While our primitive brain’s wiring kept us alive back in the cave days, it’s warning signals and instincts are  more often than not misplaced in today’s modern world. 

In order to grow and develop, in order to achieve our ambitions, and create the lives we aspire we need to act against the wiring of our primitive brain.

We need to temporarily avoid pleasure (delay gratification), welcome pain (emotional discomfort of growth), as well as generate and use our energy.   

When we do so our animal instincts are turned on, our primitive brain suspects potential danger and is trying to keep us as far from the danger as possible. It does so by creating sudden urges (to eat, take a break, scroll through social media, or you name it), or by creating doubts in ourselves or the environment, ultimately leading to discomfort, worry, stress and anxiety. 

Now here is the trap: If we want to be “happy all the time” or we think we “should be happy”, we stop ourselves from recognizing the true core of our uncomfortable feelings. We are trying to resist and avoid them in order to “be happy again”. 

The more we fight against them though, the stronger they come back. 

Think of it this way: When our fears, stress and anxieties arise, our primitive brain is yelling “careful – LION”. Then we distract ourselves, trying to avoid the discomfort of our feelings. Our primitive brain translates this as us not hearing the warning and it will yell even louder “YOU MUST PAY ATTENTION – LION”. As long as our primitive brain thinks we do not hear its warnings, the louder it will yell in the attempt “to keep us safe”. 

In parallel however, the fictitious pursuit of happiness keeps urging us to avoid all negative thoughts and feelings – hence ignoring all the primitive brain’s warnings.

In doing so we are reinforcing the aforementioned cycle and move farther away from achieving real happiness in its purest form. 

The only way to finding real happiness is by giving up the constant pursuit for it. By accepting that our lives are sometimes happy, sometimes sad, sometimes exciting, sometimes nerve wrecking. Life is a constant roller coaster, it’s speed and intensity vary by phase but it is always moving, it is always and up and down.

The only way to enjoy the ride of life is by accepting that there are downs to our ups. That our downs are as much part of life as our ups.

The secret does not lie in fearing and avoiding the downs but in being willing to embrace them as part of the ride. Not to anticipate them, not to get stuck in them, but to accept them and to know that they are part of the human experience as well. 

Nibbles of Wisdom

Often we get overwhelmed by our own lives, and feelings. When we feel stuck and think that we do not know how to move forward, it is frustrating, discouraging and aggravating. 

It happens to us when we have a lot to do and we are not sure how to prioritize and make everything work; it happens to us when we have little to do and we do not know how to fill out days insightfully. It happens to us for any reason. Because this is how our brain works. 

“What should I do next?” – “I don’t know!”

“How can I reach this goal?” – “I don’t know!”

“How can I make this work?” – “I don’t know!”

As uncomfortable as “I don’t know” feels, it feels more safe and relaxed to our brain, than to think about the actual steps needed, which include trial and error, to make things move forward and work in our lives. 

But here is the thing; whenever we think that “I don’t know”, we don’t end up doing anything. We are staying put. We are not trying to change or adjust anything about the given situation.

Of course we do not always know the secret ingredient or action to lead to the desired outcome. But we do know that we will not find out without trying. We will not know from staying put and not doing anything.

Here is the thing, we never know how to do something, until we do it. We didn’t know how to walk until we walked. We didn’t know how to get through elementary school, until we graduated, we didn’t know how to ride a bicycle, or swim, until we  did. We did not know how to do our job, find customers, sell our product and services, until we did. 

We figured it out by not knowing, deciding on a course of action, trying, evaluating, and adjusting our course of action. Over and over again.

Our brain loves being efficient and it loves having answers. If we allow it to respond to a question such as “what should I do” or “what is the next step” with “I don’t know”, we give it an easy, and comfortable way out. It allows us to dismiss responsibility. While this initially feels safe, and comfortable to our brain, it is extremely disempowering and inhibiting. 

On the other hand, however, if we ask our brain to “just take a guess”, and we refuse to accept “I don’t know” as an answer, our brain will use all its power to come up with an option. 

This guess may be the step to the ultimate desired outcome, and may be a trial that ends up being unsuccessful. But here is the thing; without guessing the next step, we will never try. And without trying, we will never find out.

I therefore want to urge you to never accept “I don’t know” as an answer. Inaction never gets you closer to your goals. Inaction never helps you figure out what you should or should not be doing. 

Trial and error does. Allowing yourself to try and potentially fail does. 

When you find yourself thinking “I don’t know”, always force your brain to take a guess. Push yourself, until your brain will come up with an answer.

And when all the doubt comes up with whether that guess is “the right one” or not, remember: you will not know until you try. Try it and see what happens. Whether you will feel closer to your goal or not, you will be a step further than you are now. You will know whether that one thing you tried works or not. 

Don’t wait for tomorrow to know. You will not know until you dare to take a guess. The day you will find that “secret ingredient” to get you to your goal, is the day you will thank yourself that you started looking for it TODAY.

Nibbles of Wisdom

This is not a post about manifestation. But it’s not very far from it either. 

Sometimes life is easy. Things work out. We are content, even appreciative and grateful for what is going on in our lives, our relationships, our careers.

Sometimes however, we go through rough patches, times where we do not really know where to go next, what to decide, and how to proceed. 

Some of us – including me – get anxious or upset during such times because we cannot stop asking ourselves if the issue at hand will ever be resolved, if it will ever “be OK”. We get stuck in asking ourselves whether “we will figure it out”, “we will make the right decisions”, and “we will be happy with our choices”. 

The truth is though, that there are no right and wrong thoughts, right and wrong decisions, right and wrong directions, and choices. It is all just part of our path. Our whole life is one long path of discovery, and growth. 

As long as we believe that things will be OK, as long as we believe that every challenge we face is a bump on the road, as opposed to a inevitable and ultimate trap, there is nothing that can hold us back from working towards our dream lives. To change what can be changed. To accept what cannot be changed and find our ways around it. 

John Lennon once said: “Everything will be OK. If it’s not OK, it’s not the end.” 

I could not agree more with these words. 

We get to decide that if we are unhappy with something in our lives, we will not just accept it. That it is not the end. Because at the end it will be OK. And if not, we will keep working on creating the best outcomes in our lives, to change what we are unhappy with, as well as manage our minds around the unchangeable. We will do so until everything will be OK. 

We have all the power in the world once we learn how to manage our minds. With each situation we face in life, we get to choose how we want to think and feel about it. 

We get to analyze whether we have the power to change the situation at hand, and if not, we get to choose what we want to think and feel. 

If we deliberately choose to think that everything will be OK, and we remind ourselves of that until we truly believe it, we will start showing up in a different way. We start proactively working towards maximizing our potential in this world, and start creating the outcomes we wish for. 

So – if there is an aspect in your life that you are unhappy with, that you fear will never be OK, start telling yourself that it will. Start asking yourself what you could do differently, how you could THINK differently to bring you closer to it being OK. You do not have to believe it yet, but start practicing to think it.

I promise: The more you think it, the more you will start believing it. The more you believe it, the more proactive steps you will take. And before you know it, things will be OK. 

Nibbles of Wisdom

How often do we say that we will do something in the future? Achieve something in the future? Take care of things in the future? But what are some of the one most substantial things that are holding us back from moving from our current selves to our desired selves in the future? 

Self doubt. Self judgement. Self loathing.

We tell ourselves that change is too hard, that the needed steps to get to our future selves are impossible for us to accomplish, that we are not good enough, not strong enough, we have failed at it in the past, others will judge us, we will judge ourselves. And the list goes on. 

The truth is that we WILL fail along the way. We WILL have set backs. We WILL sometimes hit a challenge or obstacle and we will want to quit. 

The truth is too though that in 2, 5, 10 years from now, after we have achieved our goal, we will look back and smile at these setbacks. We will know that these obstacles were just a step on the way. That the challenges just taught us to be more resilient or have brought about another important lesson we needed to learn. 

The truth is that all the “little” things we create so much drama about, all the small “failure”, “setback”, or however you would like to call them, are an easy way out for our brain to “save” us from the hassle of getting out of our comfort zone and grow. 

In order to truly succeed we need to be able to put ourselves into our future selves shoes. How would my desired future self show up? What would she/he tell me about my current obstacle? What advice would my future self, that has already achieved the desired goal, give me?

Start showing up as that person. Start being this person today. The only way to become your future self is to be your future self.

No matter the self doubt. No matter the self judgement. No matter the self loathing. 

Your future self is probably proud, and confident. Believes in her/himself. Does not judge her/himself for the challenges on the way. 

Start being the future you, to become the future you. 

Nibbles of Wisdom